Updated: Sep 29, 2020
When we are young we tend to think of time is infinite and a resource at our disposal. As we age our mind shifts to less permeance and our focus becomes about the here and now. As a parent, the daily struggle of making ends meet and nourishing all aspects of a human being shifts to guiding and the knowing -- tomorrow is not promised nor always better than this moment. Children unknowingly become our teachers of truth; life has an end and no matter how many face creams you buy you will succumb to life's treachery. This is a truth which should hold no emotional power over us as it is inevitable, but we often fall into the chasm of our dooming loss.
My eldest daughter is going to celebrate another birthday marking another year of time passing. I often ignore my own time marker for what it represents and just enjoy the day to the fullest. However, when my children age it hits a different pocket in my mind. It is that bittersweet rejoicing of their year's accomplishments and health with a side of another year gone and one year of without. Without their snuggly hugs to warm you, without the innocent giggle of a child breaking through sadness, without the joy of seeing things through their untainted eyes, and yes without their presence.
As a mother of young adults my heart breaks a little as I think on these changes that happen so slowly through time. I do have a wonderful insight to relieve the burning feeling that starts in your nose and trickles out of your eyes to ease the mind. These creatures we watch giggle and run during their informative years become - themselves. They reach for the stars, they bend the rules, they change YOUR viewpoint, and they challenge your norms. It is a wonderous change of parenting.
As I stated, my eldest is getting older and consequently so am I. She has crested the age I was when she was born which makes me wonder how her new take on a life will look down the road. How will she stumble and how will she pick herself off the ground. I look forward to being part of this journey with her all the while hoping I have prepared her for the day when I am not (not hoping any time soon though!). The joyous nature of a birthday states we only publicly acknowledge the happiness of the day, but I challenge the notion and believe accepting the sadness makes the day brighter with the fullness of all it entails.
Peace to you and yours.